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Girl On Queen Street


Sunday, February 24, 2008
another temporary high, I suppose?


There are two tragedies in life.
One is to lose your heart's desire.
The other is to gain it.

- George Bernard Shaw

There are nights where I go to bed thinking, "I could live with this, this is fine."

And then there are those nights where I unhealthily question myself,
"Is 'fine' really enough? So if I can live with this, what is it that I can't live without?"
And these thoughts, being fed with even more unhealthy questions, evolve overnight into a malevolent qualm of doubt and soon after, anxiety neurosis.
"Can I be happier than this? Have I made a mistake? Why am I here, and not there? Where am I going now?"


I don't know which is scarier, being contented with what's already there, not knowing how happier I could be, or going through so much hurt and pain just to find out what true happiness really is?
At the end of the day, I reflect. I stare into the mirror, in an attempt to interrogate the one staring right back at me, and what do I get out of it?

"Azura, this is happy. But don't you think you could be happier?
I mean, you've been through happiest."
"No no no. I couldn't ask for more. But... There's just something missing.
All the puzzle pieces are there, but it's not complete."



When you've found happiness, but wonder if there's more than this.
When you're showered with hugs and kisses, but wonder if that's it.
When you've found the old wounds that have healed, but wonder if their scars would disappear.
When the one you hold tight brings tingles down your spine, but you wonder if he's the one.
There's gotta be more than wanting more.


This feeling sucks.
When you start talking to yourself.
When arguments form from conflicting ideas from the same mind.
When you can't decide who's happiness you'd want to place first- yours, or the people you love?
This feeling fucks hard with no orgasms lined up anytime soon.

Love, you gotta talk me out of this. Cause I'm a mess.


Yes, losing your heart's desire's tragic,
but gaining your heart's desire, is all you can ever hope for.




2:53 AM